dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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