you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
