Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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