I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
