I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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