Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
