after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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