brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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