Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
