matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
