I could make wine with my vomit
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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