Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize