I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
