Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
