you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
