i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
