I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have fence marks all over my body
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
