1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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