you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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