Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME