I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
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There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
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I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry