So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.