i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
