my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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