Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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