Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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