I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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