Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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