it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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