it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
