The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
