tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
