You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
