Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
