I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
