I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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