what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
