you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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