why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
