I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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