clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
