wrigley field is MILF paradise
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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