wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
