I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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