I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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