Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
