we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
