so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
