I wish my penis had an off switch
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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