Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
