he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this just has baby written all over it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
