i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You can't just leave with hair like that
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
