you guys were way drunker than both of me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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