Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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