I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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