I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
