Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize