The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
