I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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